eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
