Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We have started to decorate penises.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
