i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
