Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She is in my trunk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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