Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
