Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
