Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This house was built for laser tag.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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