Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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