your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
whose ass print is on the piano?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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