Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
