bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
