spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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