Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
