No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
