hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
