think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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