do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
