Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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