someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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