Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
