yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
