At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
