eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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