it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize