i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
