Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
