Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
