Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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