Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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