i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
