Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
