plz talk dirty to me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
