Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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