My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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