I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
