Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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