i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
