If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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