i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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