Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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