She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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