So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize