she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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