Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
