and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
