imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize