Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love having hate sex.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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