you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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