If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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