she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
