he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
