do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize