i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They took my balls.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
