I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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