awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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