I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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