i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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