He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
barbara walters just said penis...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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