Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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