so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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