Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
