Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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