In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
