Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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