My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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