I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
