they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
